


Ooh Baby Baby

by whatstheproblembaby



Series: Evi!verse [16]
Category: Glee
Genre: Fluff, M/M, pregnancy announcements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-14 20:56:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3425315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatstheproblembaby/pseuds/whatstheproblembaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine and Kurt are just trying to sneak out for a quickie at Mike and Tina's wedding, but they get some unexpected news before they can leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ooh Baby Baby

“Shhhh!”

“I’m sorry,” Kurt got out through his giggles, stumbling after Blaine as he navigated them carefully around the edge of the crowded dance floor. “I just can’t believe we’re doing this.”

“Hey, it’s tradition that we sneak out to the parking lot at some point in the night at weddings,” Blaine said, shooting Kurt a brief, fake pout before turning his attention back to the room. “I think it’s good luck, personally - how many of our friends have ever gotten divorced?”

“Well, Elliott did have that drunken mishap-”

“Yes, but he only told us about that _afterwards_ ,” Blaine interrupted. “I’m talking about weddings we’ve attended.”

Kurt planted his feet in the middle of the deserted hallway that led to the bathrooms and the back parking lot, nearly yanking Blaine off his feet. “Blaine Devon Anderson-Hummel, are you honestly telling me you believe us getting it on in the backseat of a car is good luck for our friends’ marriages?”

“I’m not saying I believe it’s infallible, but if it _is_ a thing, how can we deny that kind of blessing to our loved ones?” Blaine said, ridiculously earnest. “And anyways, haven’t Mike and Tina been through enough crap without a messy divorce?”

“You know you don’t have to guilt me into sneaking out to the car with you, right, honey?” Kurt said teasingly. “The way you and Sam were dancing to Anaconda was so-”

“Ugh, more like the way you and Santana were grinding to S&M,” Blaine cut in, pressing Kurt against the wall in a flash and leaning in for a sloppy kiss. “Did you tailor these slacks to accentuate your, mm, assets or do I just have a one-track mind?”

“Says the man who would’ve ripped his pants if he’d thrusted low enough,” Kurt growled back, reconnecting their lips. “Mmph, come on, we need to get outside.”

Blaine pulled back somewhat reluctantly and seized Kurt’s hand again, only to get shoved out of the way by Kitty, who was sprinting past them and into the ladies’ room.

“Whoa,” Blaine said, pushing himself off Kurt’s chest. “I thought Kitty was a better drunk than that.”

“I don’t remember her drinking anything tonight, though,” Kurt said, flashing back quickly. “She was pounding Shirley Temples like they were going out of style, but when I asked, she said they weren’t Shirley Temple Blacks.”

“Huh,” Blaine said, eyebrows going up in surprise. “Do you think we should, you know, make sure she’s okay?”

Kurt sighed deeply. “Yeah, we should stay here until she comes out, at least. Our car’s not going anywhere.”

The look on Blaine’s face matched the way Kurt felt about that idea, but he didn’t disagree. He leaned against the wall next to Kurt, scooting in close and shoving his hand into the gap between the small of Kurt’s back and the plaster - probably a little too low down on Kurt’s back to be strictly romantic, but it wasn’t like that would be the most compromising situation they’d ever been caught in. Kurt was still trying to repress the Great Memorial Day Lawn Chair Incident from last year.

Just as Kurt was shuddering at that memory - _sorry, Rachel!_ \- Kitty came back out of the bathroom, staggering slightly and looking like she might fall over if she had to let go of the door.

Blaine rushed over to her and took her by the elbow, helping her lean against the wall opposite Kurt. “Kitty, are you okay?”

“Depends on your definition of ‘okay,’ I guess,” she replied, cupping a hand over her stomach. “Although it’s all your fault I feel this way, so you might want to go into hiding until I get over my need for vengeance.”

“What?” Blaine asked, confused. Kurt was just as lost. “How did I make you barf?”

“Because you knocked me up, genius,” Kitty said. “Or do you not remember that hot, hot night at the fertility clinic where you whacked one out to some _Star Wars_ fanfiction so the nurses could shove a turkey baster up my snatch?”

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Kurt muttered, disturbed, but Blaine’s loud “oh my God!” drowned out his remarks.

“You’re really - oh my God!” Blaine shouted, joyful. “Kurt! We’re gonna be daddies again!”

Kurt shook off the horror of Kitty’s remarks so he could join Blaine in his excited bouncing. “We have to call my folks! And your mom! And oh my God, how are we gonna tell Ella? She’s only eighteen months old, will she even understand?”

“She’ll get it once there’s a second kid in the house,” Blaine said, not pausing in his flailing. “Kitty, how could you not tell us earlier?”

“I didn’t wanna take away from Mike and Tina’s day,” Kitty said. “The way Tina’s been attention-starved all these years, she’d probably shiv me with one of her stilettos if I made someone else the center of attention at her own wedding.”

“Fair point,” Kurt said, nodding once in concession. “But you could have gotten us alone somehow.”

“Like I did right now? Please, I know better than to interrupt you when the sex haze settles in,” Kitty said, giving Kurt a pointed look. “I figured I’d tell you when we all hit brunch tomorrow.”

Blaine stopped bouncing and fixed Kitty with a sincere look. “You’re the best, you know that? I can’t believe you volunteered to do this for us.”

“Well, once Berry said her uterus was out of commission, I knew you’d start asking around, and there’s something weird about letting a stranger grow your spawn. Besides, you two were some of the only people who gave a shit about me in that glee club. I figured I owed you one.” Kitty didn’t make eye contact with either of them as she finished her thought.

Kurt caught Blaine’s glance and knew they were on the same page. As one, they rushed at Kitty, squishing her in a hug from both sides and making her yelp. “You didn’t owe us anything,” Kurt said quietly.

“But we’re still glad you wanted to be a part of this,” Blaine said. “You know we’re probably going to call you daily to make sure you’re doing okay, right? Kurt practically made Rachel move in with us during her last trimester.”

“Hey, you were the one who tried to sneak meat into her meals to make sure her protein levels were fine,” Kurt shot back.

“Jesus Christ,” Kitty said, elbowing them both in the gut to get them off of her. “One, I can’t bear your gel-covered little sprite if you smother me in the first trimester, and two, if that’s how overbearing you are as dads, I’m going to go into hiding until I’m in labor. How is your current child not being helicopter parented to death?”

“We’re not that bad!” Kurt said.

“And Ella’s grandparents may have threatened to kidnap her until we learned to loosen up a little,” Blaine admitted sheepishly.

“For good reason,” Kitty said. “Alright, I’m going back to the dance floor. If either of you tries to keep me from having one last night of fun before I’m the size of a house, I’ll go out and barf in the backseat of your car.”

Kurt and Blaine watched her saunter off, not wanting to piss off Hurricane Kitty. Once they were alone again, Blaine turned to Kurt excitedly.

“We’re going to be fathers again!” he squealed. “I know I said it already, but I’m just so-”

Kurt cut Blaine off with a hard kiss, swinging him back against the wall. “Me too.”

“Wanna take this celebration somewhere a little more private?” Blaine said flirtatiously.

“Don’t have to ask me twice.” Kurt took Blaine’s hand and they ran off to their car, sneaking one last surreptitious glance over their shoulders as they left. Their friends could keep their pointed comments - Kurt wasn’t letting anything get between them and one last night of debauchery before they had two little munchkins to look after, especially since any child with Kitty’s genetics was probably born knowing how to pick the lock on their daddies’ bedroom door.

(Once they were back inside, however, Kurt was totally going to make sure Kitty was staying hydrated, regardless of how much she complained. He had a baby to think of!)


End file.
